yava\u015f\u00e7a bana do\u011fru yakla\u015ft\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. k\u0131\u015f ortas\u0131yd\u0131. yata\u011f\u0131mdayd\u0131m. yataktan \u00e7\u0131kam\u0131yordu parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131m.<\/p>\n
parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131m her seferinde nas\u0131l daha so\u011fuk oluyor? <\/em><\/p>\n sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 ok\u015fad\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. \u00e7ocukmu\u015fum gibi. onun \u00e7ocu\u011fuymu\u015fum gibi. tan\u0131d\u0131k kokusu burnuma geldi.<\/p>\n sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 kavrad\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. ellerimi g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme, ayaklar\u0131m\u0131 karn\u0131ma \u00e7ektim. uzan\u0131rsam donar parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131m. parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131mdan parmaklar\u0131ma kangren gibi yay\u0131l\u0131r so\u011fuk. uzanmamal\u0131y\u0131m boylu boyunca.<\/p>\n beni yava\u015f\u00e7a b\u0131rakt\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. daha fazla \u00fc\u015f\u00fcmemeliyim. bu yataktan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p paltomu giyece\u011fim. i\u00e7i muflonlu botlar\u0131m\u0131 aya\u011f\u0131ma ge\u00e7irece\u011fim. kap\u0131y\u0131 kilitleyece\u011fim. asans\u00f6rle 2 kat inece\u011fim. kap\u0131n\u0131n otomati\u011fine bas\u0131p var g\u00fcc\u00fcmle \u00e7ekece\u011fim kocaman a\u011f\u0131r apartman kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131. otob\u00fcs dura\u011f\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ece\u011fim. sonra otopark\u0131n i\u00e7inden. kestirmeleri bilirim uzun y\u0131llard\u0131r bu mahallede ya\u015f\u0131yorum. k\u00f6\u015feyi d\u00f6n\u00fcp kasab\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7ece\u011fim. selam verece\u011fim kasaba. sonra bakkala. \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131 okullar\u0131ndan alaca\u011f\u0131m. bir bir. birer birer eve getirece\u011fim. daha fazla kalamam bu yatakta. daha fazla \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyemem. daha fazla b\u00fcy\u00fcyemem bu yatakta.<\/p>\n nas\u0131l d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fck bu kadar standartlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131? nas\u0131l kabul ettik bu \u00e7\u00f6pl\u00fckte ya\u015famay\u0131? uzakta \u00fclkeler vard\u0131 yollar\u0131 bize a\u00e7\u0131k. gidemedik. ka\u00e7 kere denedik. ke\u00e7 kere yenildik. ka\u00e7 kere denemedik. ka\u00e7 kere deneyemedik. \u015fark\u0131. uzaklardan duydu\u011fun o ilk gen\u00e7lik \u015fark\u0131s\u0131. ne\u015feli g\u00fcnlerden kalma. nas\u0131l kabul ettik bu \u00e7\u00f6pl\u00fckte ya\u015famay\u0131? bunca ne\u015feli \u015fark\u0131 aras\u0131nda nas\u0131l ikna olduk bu \u00e7\u00f6pl\u00fc\u011fe. \u00e7ocuklar neredeler? bu \u00e7aresizli\u011fin sebebi ne?<\/p>\n bu kadar kapana k\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmamal\u0131yd\u0131k.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n b\u00fcy\u00fcmeyecektim ben. b\u00fcy\u00fcmeyece\u011fim. b\u00fcy\u00fctemeyeceksiniz.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" yava\u015f\u00e7a bana do\u011fru yakla\u015ft\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. k\u0131\u015f ortas\u0131yd\u0131. yata\u011f\u0131mdayd\u0131m. yataktan \u00e7\u0131kam\u0131yordu parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131m. parmak u\u00e7lar\u0131m her seferinde nas\u0131l daha so\u011fuk oluyor? sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 ok\u015fad\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. \u00e7ocukmu\u015fum gibi. onun \u00e7ocu\u011fuymu\u015fum gibi. tan\u0131d\u0131k kokusu burnuma geldi. sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 kavrad\u0131 sar\u0131 depresyon. ellerimi g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme, … Okumaya devam et